Pipipipipipi

[inthejunk]

Hanamura Yosuke. I can't answer right now, but if you leave a message I'll be sure to get back to you!

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[inthejunk]

I just told you.

[Slightly nervous laughter, and a swift, violent shove of an attempt to re-bury all the incidents from the week out of his thoughts. No, Nill, he doesn't know you can pick up what he broadcasts, he just doesn't want them in his head any more than he wants them to accidentally leak out at you.]

Maybe we can go have that tea and talk about the weather like old people. It's stopped snowing, isn't t hat nice?

[reassures]

[ ... ]

Right.

[But there's something in her face that suggests she doesn't believe that's all that's going on.]

It is. [Pretty as it might be, the snow was much too cold for her. Ugh. But she moves to stand up again, brushing off her skirt idly. Tea it was, then. She smiles lightly, and waits for him to stand as well.]

[inthejunk]

[Yosuke flinches a bit at that expression. Man, he knows exactly how that feels, and he really hates it. But Nill worries about Shika way more than she should have to already. And if he told her this, she'd just worry more. Because something is definitely wrong with the guy, and it really is worrying.]

[He gets to his feet after Nill does, swallowing hard and reluctantly returning the pillow to her little nest. The thought actually gets a tiny smile from him, and an appreciative glance at her wings. Heh. Nest.]

What kind is there? I, uh...winter's a good time for peppermint, right? I mean. Something floral wouldn't taste good right now, would it?

[reassures]

[Ah. That thought stands out more than anything-- that something is wrong with Shika. But what? Something new? Something she doesn't know about..? It seemed like there was always something wrong, and so little she could do about it.]

You can hold onto it, if you want.

[A soft smile, and a gesture at the pillows. But she flutters her wings lightly - stretching, almost - before she heads to the door, gesturing for him to follow.]

I think we have peppermint.

[inthejunk]

[He still gets a kick out of her wings, and has to forcefully remind himself not to reach out and run a palm over one. He's a little embarrassed she noticed him clinging to the pillow, but maybe he can play it off...]

That's alright, there are chairs downstairs, right? It'll stay cleaner up here.

[He perks up again at the idea of peppermint tea. He's not sure he could have stomached anything floral and cloying, and he'd been sick enough that one day a few weeks back to never want to see the inside of a trash bin close up again. Anyway, peppermint really is a winter flavor, so that much at least won't cause Nill to be concerned.]

You know what this place could use? Some new paint. If you ever want to paint it, let me know. I'll definitely help, since it's so huge.

[reassures]

[Hard not to notice when he was clutching it to himself, but that's fine. It isn't unlike her to notice small things, and she thinks she would have even if she couldn't hear it. She nods though, and smiles, because it's true, it is cleaner up there.

Peppermint is good for nausea too, as far as she can tell, so she doesn't see why it's a bad plan. Nill smiles, headed downstairs and into the kitchen.]

I don't know if we can paint here. Do you think we can? [She certainly wouldn't mind more color...]

[inthejunk]

Sure, why not? Who's going to stop us?

[Yosuke winks, following Nill along cheerfully, and already pondering colors. Maybe a nice, pale yellow. Like morning sunlight. Or some minty green-and that one gets a song stuck in his head- or maybe even an earthy red...]

[reassures]

[They're all pretty colors, she thinks - though the song (or rather, the images associated with it) make her giggle, and Nill's glad for once that she can't actually laugh.]

I don't know. [He had a point, actually... Minako was gone, and so was Rin. Who would really stop them from painting if they wanted to?]

[inthejunk]

[To be fair, that was a really popular video! ...And those mint colored pants were kind of tight.]

[He nodded.]

So just let me know when you want to get started.

[reassures]

[She is not at all surprised that that is the part Yosuke remembers most vividly.]

I will.

[And into the kitchen they go! Nill immediately goes over to one of the cabinets and pulls it open, fishing around for the peppermint tea.]

[inthejunk]

[Yosuke paces nervously. The kitchen here brings back memories of a different bad night. He closes his eyes and manages to stop himself from shuddering, but his heart kicks up madly at the image that greets him behind his eyelids. HImself, but not. That painful and terrifying moment that his own blade pierced his shoulder, the frantic call that was meant to be to Souji...]

[And then, Shika. Grabbing him like some kind of monster and running up a building with him...taking him home and feeding him, patching up his palms where the callouses had come off...crying, when Yosuke introduced himself.]

[It takes him a second to shake it all off, and he grabs the wall a little dizzily from the perceived suddenness of his leap between the two times. But he smiles pleasantly at Nill, and clears his throat.]

You'll make someone a really happy man one day, Nill-san. You even keep the right kind of tea on hand.

[reassures]

[Nill is, in part, used to the suddenness with which memories can overtake her at times. Despite her mind being elsewhere, she calmly sets her palms against the counter, makes sure she's looking in the general direction of something so she doesn't look completely out of it. She's prepared for these things, after living like this for as long as she has now. If Yosuke can't shake it off, then it's nearly impossible for Nill to.

She is not, however, prepared for the images that meet her. The Shadow of her senpai; too young, she thinks, but the thought doesn't comfort her, because it's like reliving one of the worst days of her life. Reliving a nightmare. She feels the pain, but it's her shoulder this time, not her wing (they still snap back abruptly against her back), and then-- Shika. That wasn't right. Shika hadn't been the one to save her, that had been-- who?

This isn't her memory, isn't her head. She draws in a shaky breath, and then Shika is talking and she can hear the voice she's watching things from speak, introduce himself, as if they don't know Shika at all... and Shika cries.

When Nill collects herself again, she realizes her arms are wrapped around her ribs, and there are tears on her face, too. Memories are too sudden, too fast, and a lot of the time she'd helpless not to get caught up in them.

She hastily wipes at her eyes, and whatever Yosuke said seems to go right over her head.]

[inthejunk]

[The smile freezes on Yosuke's face for a second-the surest way to tell they're fake is when they stick and they shouldn't-and then drops off suddenly like falling over a steep and unexpected cliff.]

[Wait, what did he say? Shit. He made her cry and he can't even remember what the hell he just said to her...oh. Oh. Make some man happy...oh, man. Oh, man. Did that mean something? It would explain a few things.]

[For a moment he's still and sick with rage that he can't even direct at anything. His stomach churns with renewed vigor, and something in his ribs expands white and hot and he has to swallow hard and shake it off before he kicks the wall or something and startles her. She doesn't need that right now. She needs him to be gentle, and keep his stupid comments to himself.]

Hey...hey, don't-I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Please don't cry.

[He starts to reach forward with the tip of his sleeve, to dry her eyes. But he realizes just in time what a stupid mistake that would be, and snatches his hand back as if he's nearly burned it, taking a step away at the same time.]

W-why don't you sit down, okay? I can make the-[his stomach lurches again, silently objecting to the idea of swallowing anything, and he puts a palm to it to settle it]-tea. I'm getting pretty good at it, even. I do it at work all the time!

[Please don't be sad...]

[reassures]

[It doesn't help that she can hear everything going through his head right now; that he wants to reach out, to help, to do something, but he's afraid to because it's so obvious to everyone that looks at her that she's untouchable. And normally she likes it that way, prefers it even, but--

For one terrible moment she's young again, typing frantically, alone in some room while-- someone, someone that did horrible things to her and still haunts her nightmares, even though they no longer have a face or a name-- posts on the network. And she begs and pleads and they just make the message bigger and everyone sees it, everyone she's ever cared about. They all know. Everyone knows about her.

Her face contorts, and Nill brings a hand up to muffle a sob that wouldn't even make that much noise anyway, because she can't speak. She can't yell, can't shout, can't argue, nothing without it being done deliberately. She can't even scream, and she certainly can't 'talk' to Yosuke.

All Nill can do is move; and so she does. She shakes her head almost frantically, and hugs Yosuke (regardless of the hand against his stomach), wings still trembling against her back.

...Nill hates herself all the more, because she's almost certain she wouldn't have hugged her senpai like this before he left.]

[inthejunk]

[Yosuke should be caught off guard by that hug. He should be baffled and dumbfounded. In some way he is, but it's a distant, unimportant way. Mostly he's just relieved. It's the first time someone's hugged him since he got there, and it feels so good that a lump rises up in his throat too, though he swallows it back down with renewed determination.]

[Without another word, he wraps his free arm around Nill, both extremely pleased to finally have an excuse to brush her wings and mindful of them. The frantic tides of acid stop crashing against the walls of his stomach for the first time in days. The breath he didn't even know he'd been holding that entire time leaks out in a soft sigh, and he almost sags with the loss of tension.]

It's okay.

[He rumbles at her, low and deep in his throat, still buried under that lump he swallowed. It's not okay, not really, but suddenly he feels like there's a ray of sunlight in it somewhere. Nill isn't afraid to touch him. And it makes his heart kick again, this time swollen heavy with love and hope.]

It's gonna be alright.

[reassures]

[Nill virtually clings to him, although she tells herself that she shouldn't. That she's terrible and selfish, because this isn't the Yosuke that she wants, and it probably makes him feel terrible just to know that, because surely he has to know it, right?

But Nill isn't certain that this really isn't the Yosuke she wants anymore. He's kind and awkward and everything she missed about her senpai, but so much more.

What was she supposed to think - what would Shika think?

Nill liked this boy in front of her more than she did the person that gave her everything.

She doesn't stop clinging though, and even nods - not at the first statement, but the second, because no... it wasn't okay. But it would be eventually.]

[inthejunk]

[Yosuke is at a loss for what else to do. He's never even tried to comfort anyone before. Generally, when people are upset, it's more of a curiosity to him than anything. Or else it's his mother, and all he can do is keep apologizing or try to distract her.]

[Instinctively, that's what his mind races to do now. Distract Nill. But he's still not even sure that he shouldn't be apologizing. He just keeps getting lost in the sweet warm tickle of her feathers on his forearm, and her curls along his collarbone, and her delicate arms clinging tightly. Maybe...maybe she needs it as much as he does, anyway. Maybe she needs it even more. He ends up just gently squeezing her back.]

I'll protect you from now on, alright? You don't have to worry.

[reassures]

[Nill is content, for the moment, to just cling to Yosuke, because it feels like she hasn't in such a long time - even though she did just about the same thing when Shika came back, and now she barely saw him... Was Yosuke already that important?

The thought was a little frightening. Yet she still doesn't start to pull away until Yosuke mentions protecting her. Barely a moment later, Nill begins to pull away, though not before looking up at him and smiling.

No... Yosuke had no idea, could never understand, how much she was trying to protect him. If Nill could help it, she'd make sure he never protected her at all. Was never in danger. He deserved so much better than the life she had.]

[inthejunk]

[He doesn't really get what just happened, but the smile is reassuring. Somehow, things are okay. This time, he does brush her face off with his sleeve. It's clean- Gilbert is really good at looking after them all.]

Better?

[reassures]

[Nill takes a deep, calming sort of breath, and nods, letting him wipe at her tears; the movement is obvious and doesn't bother her, and it seems to make him feel better. She nods, yes, better, but then she pauses to pull out her NV.]

Just Nill.

[You called her Nill-san again. She told you Nill was fine, didn't she?]

[inthejunk]

[That gets a small smile in return. He nods.]

Sorry, it's-it's hard to break habits, right?

[Nill. Nill, Nill, Nill. Just Nill. What would she do if he started adding the 'just' instead? Hmmm...]

[reassures]

[She would laugh at him - the thought nearly makes her giggle, but she's good at restraining herself from doing so.]

It's okay.

[inthejunk]

[He gives the table a look-and there's a brief flash of leaping up from it in terror for some reason-but then drops lazily into one of the chairs. His whole body is at least twenty times more relaxed now, and he props his chin on a palm casually.]

What do you think...yellow in here?

[reassures]

[...That was a strange flash. But it's much too fast for her to make any real sense of, so she sets about filling the kettle and setting it on the stove. They'd might as well still have tea, since they were in the kitchen.]

Yellow would be pretty.

[inthejunk]

Yeah...and maybe blue in the stairs. Blue like the sky in spring, you know?

[He makes a face at that, still a bit bitter of being robbed of the spring that had just started at home when he was pulled here.]

Please tell me the sky here is going to be blue in spring.