Pipipipipipi

[inthejunk]

Hanamura Yosuke. I can't answer right now, but if you leave a message I'll be sure to get back to you!

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[inthejunk]

[Yosuke's eyes traced the NV right to Nill's pocket, and then wandered up to her face, confused. He's not sure what to expect. Fire, maybe? That one girl had been burping up fire, right? That would be pretty co-]

[-and then, he falls right out of his chair, knocking his chin off the table on the way down. He tastes a bit of blood, feels a little dazed, but mostly, he can't believe what he just 'heard.']

You can speak!

[reassures]

[Of all the reactions, Nill wasn't expecting that. She jumps up from her chair immediately and goes around the table to kneel beside him, and make sure he hasn't given himself a concussion or something like that.]

Yes-- but not exactly. There's more to it.

Are you okay?

[inthejunk]

[It doesn't even hurt, actually. Just in that far off way that doesn't matter. He's still too busy staring at her, though after a moment he shakes his head out and gives her a grin. It's silly to overreact like this. It was just the last thing he could have guessed for a power, but for Nill-well. It makes perfect sense, actually.]

I'm fine, it didn't hurt. You...could you always do that? And what do you mean, 'there's more?'

[reassures]

[Nill still seems to be fretting, looking him over and... possibly putting off the rest of the conversation, just a little bit. If that was his reaction to just "talking", then it wasn't going to be pleasant from hear on out.]

Yes. ...My powers manifested after I'd been here for a few months - so I've had them as long as I've known you. [Much longer than that, by the sound of things.]

I can hear things. See them, too. Even though I've had this power for a long time, and I can almost control it, I still can't totally turn it off.

[inthejunk]

Hear things? Like-

[Like, things that happen inside his head? She can see things that happen inside his head?!]

[The resulting wave of panicked images is as predictable as it is mortifying. Everything he doesn't want her to see vies for a front of the parade for the next five or six seconds.]

[It's best to take the opposing stairs at the train station because you can often get a flash of a girl's panties if she's wearing a short enough skirt and going down the opposite escalator. And also the most effective way to rub your thumb along the underside of...oh, god. Oh, god.]

[Yosuke grabs his head helplessly and makes a miserable sound.]

[The platform at the train station, again, and everything is spinning so badly that he has to hold on to the floor to keep from falling off. Gilbert is exasperated-]

[NO!]

[Head in a bucket, and Souji is grimacing, trying not to look. Sick as a dog, and -Ugh!]

[Shika. Shika, completely out of it. Talking about snow, and trains, and-ow. And holding on too tightly, super strength, Shika has some kind of super strength...no. No, not that. It's too close to-]

[-the window. All he has to do is remember not to open the window, and-]

[Yosuke groans, and gets to his feet, still holding his head. Something dark in his mind, but he shoves it, violently. Tries to snap down all the mental blinds and close up all the shutters, or at least stop thinking about this stuff.]

[The result is a really annoying song in both of their heads suddenly. But that's good, that will work. He just cranks up the volume. La la la, can't hear you, so you can't hear him!]

[reassures]

[This is a lot more like the reaction Nill was expecting (though dreading), but the sheer level on which it hits Yosuke and the resulting panic it causes surprises her.

Yosuke's thoughts have always been a little overwhelming for Nill, though. He has so many different feelings about so many different things that she's fairly helpless to block them out when he gets panicked, and so while he stands she stays where she is crouched on the ground, that strange, startled but not entirely with it look on her face. If Yosuke's actually paying attention, it probably won't help that he actually knows that face. She's made it a few times around him and she knows it.

But the train - that's nothing. Troubling, but Yosuke was a teenager, and Nill expected thoughts like that from him.

Gilbert helping him isn't so strange either, although it's funny to see Gilbert again like this after so long. And Souji; Nill has to swallow the bitter taste he brings to her mouth, because she's a terrible person--

But then it's Shika, and Nill understands what she's seeing, kind of. It's too fast, but it seemed... close enough.

Had Shika been high with Yosuke there? On more than just pot - that was the other stuff, wasn't it?

That dark thing in his mind nearly pulls her in, but Yosuke shoves it down and Nill pulls back enough that she doesn't understand what it means at all. Nill finally moves to stand, back in her own head properly, and gives Yosuke some strange cross between an apologetic and worried look.]

Yosuke?

[inthejunk]

[Yosuke doesn't answer her, though, not out loud. He shakes his head desperately and concentrates on the song. It's no good, though. He's already wavering a little with it.]

[Yellow eyes. His eyes. A ghostly liquor store, and a feeling of severe vertigo. Souji, again, like a big damn hero in the fog, all cool and-and who knows, because Yosuke blacks out at that point.]

[And then his eyes aren't yellow, they're just blank and cold, nothing reflected back, like a reptile's, and the blade of a kunai slashes forward, fast-]

[No! That one gets shoved away just as violently as the dark one from before.]

[A funeral, instead-no, the inside of a supply closet, the huff of his breath, too quick- no, the backroom of a department store, a girl smiling and hanging up her apron after work, saying something in Japanese-]

[Blood, and Shika in a puddle of it, writhing-]

[Oh, hell no.]

Out! Get out!

[But he doesn't wait for Nill to get out. Yosuke does it himself, jumping up and bolting for the door of his own apartment, shoes be damned. He knocks his shoulder off the wall, with his eyes squeezed closed that way, but he doesn't even stop to complain.]

[He doesn't stop at all until he's in the stairwell, locked out of his floor because he forgot his keys, and without his shoes or his NV. Tugging at his hair and panting a little, definitely looking undone to the surprised guy who was smoking in the stairwell.]

[Whatever, Yosuke has told that dude like 5 times that it's against the rules to do that, anyway. For the first time, though, the dude actually puts the cigarette out. It freaking figures.]

[reassures]

[Nill reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder, to try to reassure him, something - but before she can actually make contact there's another onslaught of images that she doesn't know what to do with and the whole thing is so overwhelming that that hand ends up gripping the table instead so that she keeps her balance.

It was fine. If she just concentrated then she could block most of it out, talk to Yosuke, something, but he was so much more emotional than so many people she knew, and it was hard-- Especially when Souji is one of the first things to show up again, and the bitterness rises in her throat like bile.

Too fast. Everything goes by too fast, and she barely has the time to register anything. People, Yosuke breathing, a pretty girl with a nice smile...

Then it's Shika - who is impossible not to recognize even under these circumstances - writhing in a puddle of blood, and no, Nill thinks that might be actual bile threatening to come up. She gets trapped in that image, looking over every detail of it as it burns itself into her mind.

She was definitely going to be sick.

But then Yosuke is shouting and Nill's head jerks up to stare at him when he runs - away from her, she knows, and Nill sinks down to her knees.

She hadn't wanted this at all... scaring Yosuke ('Again', she thinks, and instantly hates herself for it) was the last thing in the world she'd wanted to do, and now the poor guy was probably terrified she went snooping in his head.

It takes her a few moments, but once she recovers from the onslaught of extremely unpleasant thoughts Nill pushes herself back to her feet. She considers just leaving - it would be the better thing to do, wouldn't it? - but she notices the keys on the counter, and of course Yosuke forgot them. He'd ran out of there in such a panic.

She lingers inside for a few moments longer, giving him more time to calm down a little, before grabbing the keys off the counter and leaving the apartment.

It takes her all of five seconds to find Yosuke out in the stairwell, and when she opens the door she knocks against it with her knuckles so that he notices. Better not to catch him off guard, probably. Then she holds up the keys, and jingles them.

Just making sure you can get back inside later. She'll leave after that really she will.]

[inthejunk]

[Yosuke is slumped against the opposite wall by that time, and he startles at the tapping, and knocks his head off of it. He rubs the sore spot with a wince, but it does help to clear his thoughts.]

[After a moment of definite hesitation, he gestures to Nill to come in. Because he's still kind of seeing stars, here, and he needs to hold very still and not think about anything horrible for a few minutes. So she'll just have to come to him again.]

[reassures]

[Ouch. Nill winces a little herself watching him. Honestly, he seems like such a clutz sometimes, she's grateful he hasn't fallen down any stairs. ...that she knows of.

She waits, and then quietly steps over to stand and then crouch beside Yosuke. She smiles, and then reaches over to drop his keys into his lap - no words, no pulling out the NV, just a smile.

It probably looks a lot like the few she wore when Shika was gone.]

[inthejunk]

[Instead of reaching for the keys, Yosuke smiles a little shakily and drops his face into his hands, rubbing at the spot that hurts behind his eye when he screws something big up.]

Sorry.

[It comes out oddly hoarse, even though most of the shouting was in his head.]

I didn't mean to-ugh. I promise it's not always like that in my brain.

[reassures]

[Oh... Nill wasn't quite expecting that. She hesitates, before reaching over to lightly touch his arm. It's okay, Yosuke. You don't need to apologize, really.

Of course, it kind of goes without saying that she knows his mind isn't always like that. But it's probably not the best thing to say right now - she's fairly certain she shouldn't say much of anything.]

[inthejunk]

[He jumps a little at the touch, still half wrapped up in those thoughts from before. They get another violent, exhausted shove from him, and he focuses on the light in the ceiling instead. It hurts his eyes, but it keeps his mind clear of everything but dead moths. They really should clean in here more often...]

Does it hurt?

[reassures]

[She pulls her hand away, and after a moment moves to sit beside him. Her hands settle uncertainly on her lap for a moment, before she just decides to pull her NV back out and use that.]

It depends on what I see.

[If someone was recalling a painful memory, she could feel the pain, sometimes - or the emotions behind it. It all really depended on the circumstances. There was no definite way to describe her abilities as far as she could tell.]

Most of the time it's just overwhelming.

[inthejunk]

[He's still trying to concentrate on the moths, but if she's listening, she might hear a few scattered whispers while he tries to sort it out in his head. Something along the lines of how much it sucks to have someone hear your thoughts, and then, surprisingly...how much it must suck to have to listen to other people thinking.]

[He reaches over and drops an open palm on her head, the way Gilbert does to him when he's sick or upset. Just some reassuring dead weight, or something. He still can't actually look at her, but hopefully it's the start of an apology, anyway.]

Yeah. It's definitely pretty overwhelming.

[reassures]

[She is listening, actually, mostly just to see if he's taking things well. And it's easier if she's listening beforehand not to be overwhelmed. Sort of like being prepared ahead of time.

Nill was expecting him to think poorly of her listening in on his thoughts... but not in any way that might be sympathetic towards her. She pauses, surprised, and then becomes even more surprised by the hand on her head.

He was being more understanding about this than she'd really expected him to be.]

I didn't want to hide it from you anymore.

I'm sorry.

[inthejunk]

[The dark thoughts get another violent shove, but not before something bubbles up in his chest. Yosuke does something else unexpected, and even more humiliating than everything else so far that day. He pulls his knees up to his chin and drops his face onto his arms, and he sobs.]

[reassures]

[Nill can't quite help but stare at first, although she doesn't mean to. It seemed like everything was all over the place today, Yosuke especially, and she'd... probably either caused this or made things bad enough for it to happen. She's really not sure, though, and she doesn't know how to make this better.

Eventually though, she moves to slide one arm underneath his so that she can hug him, resting her cheek against his shoulder. It's okay Yosuke. Even if it wasn't now, but would be - But crying a little bit never hurt anything.]

[inthejunk]

[That either helps or makes it worse, it's difficult to say. Either way, Yosuke is still bawling into his knees and elbows. He's already cursing himself in his head for being so weak and pathetic in front of someone he's been trying to protect and take care of.]

[But he's so damned tired.]

[reassures]

[Yosuke, you're such an idiot. You're still a kid, and being upset like this wasn't weak. Being tired wasn't weak.

He was even more of an idiot for thinking she needed to be protected, when she'd been trying to protect him.

...Nill knows a lot about being tired, though, and her arms tighten around him just slightly. It seemed like he'd been trying to hide a lot... so maybe this was a good thing.]

[inthejunk]

Sorry.

[It's just a whisper, and it's chased by another sob. He buries his face again and chokes pitifully. He knows this is ridiculous. He knows he's probably freaking Nill out, or at least losing and credibility he might have almost had going with her. But he just wants to crawl back into bed-or better yet under the bed-which he never even made it to the night before.]

I-I'm oka-hic-y. I'm fine. Just-just...

[SOB. Clearly, he's totally okay now. You can just leave or something. Yeah.]

[reassures]

[Like she'd ever do that. The thought almost makes her roll her eyes, and she shakes her head slightly.]

Don't apologize.

[It's kind of nice, actually, to be able to offer something when he was upset. Using her NV was never very good for that.]

It's alright to not be okay, Yosuke.

[inthejunk]

[He doesn't mean to tell her about it. Really, he doesn't. But it's like a big tidal wave of thought and emotion that leaps up all at once, and shoves everything else aside.]

[He's tired. Not just tired, exhausted. Working long and hard and trying to play superhero after hours-shit, he wasn't supposed to tell her that!- and he's not as good as the other guys. He keeps getting hurt. Things keep biting him or scratching him or trying to rip pieces of him off to snack on later. And it's scary. Not just scary, it's terrifying. But no one else is afraid.]

[There are bills to pay and groceries to buy and he doesn't even remember the last time he checked to make sure there were any left, let alone ate any of them. He's not even hungry-or maybe he is. It's impossible to tell. Not getting enough sleep and stressing over adult problems gives him a constant feeling like the drop of an elevator. His stomach is too uneasy for anything but toast or rice or noodles, anyway. And even that seems unappetizing most of the time.]

[Claire is gone and Clover is gone and Souji is busy and Shika is...Shika. And Uryuu is an adult, sort of, so he can't just call him up to chat, and-and he's lonely. Even with Keigo and the smelly kid around, he doesn't see people much except at work.]

[And he's always screwing up there, too! Dropping dishes and spilling things...starting an open mic night without actually asking first. The only reason he still has a job is that Rain-san is even more of a soft touch with him than Fai-sama was.]

[It's just hopeless. He's hopeless and scared and queasy and alone and he really needs his mother or at least Uryuu and that's pathetic. He's pathetic. But he can't take care of Keigo and the smelly kid! He can't even take care of himself.He still doesn't even know the smelly kid's name.]

[Oh, crap. He can't even breathe.]

[Wheeze, sob, pant pant, wheeze, hiccough...]

[reassures]

[This time when the deluge hits her Nill is prepared for it; and though on the outside she doesn't so much as bat an eyelash, inside she's nearly swept away by it.

She'd seen his exhaustion for weeks now, but never knew what the exact cause was - and now that she did, she felt sort of stupid or not realizing it sooner. She hadn't been the only one keeping secrets and trying to hold someone out of the line of fire... Yosuke had been doing the exact same thing to her, except he didn't know what he was doing and he was scared. She has to resist the urge to flinch at a particularly vivid image of a monster going in for the attack.

How could he possibly think this was weak? It was stressful and terrifying, especially if he had a full-time job on top of it.

Nill suspected she might need to bring him food if she wanted to make sure he was eating. Or that everyone in that apartment was eating, even if the smelly kid didn't have a name either of them knew.

...Did he really not realize that he was probably dropping things at work because he was tired? He'd get more rest if he wasn't doing dangerous things at night, but that might be hoping for too much. Nill shakes her head, and then rests her cheek against his shoulder again.]

You aren't pathetic.

[inthejunk]

[He sniffles, and chokes on another sob he's trying to hold in. It comes out strangled and harsh, even to his ears, and he swipes angrily at his face. No, she's wrong, this is pretty much the definition of pathetic. He needs to pull it together, he really does. But he can't quite manage it yet, so instead he tries to explain himself. But it all comes out as stuttering and blubbering. Even more pathetic, really.]

I-I don't know-don't know h-how to.

[You know. How to anything, really. He scrubs at his face again, furious with himself for this.]

I ju-just need prac-hic-tice I think. It's f-fine.

[And finally, firmer.]

I'm fine.